“To honestly believe in something is to be ready to accept the consequences of what said belief has put on you.”

You know what’s weird? All it takes is one sight: green grass. It’s such an insignificant and self-evident thing… But it floods me with memories, such as the one time we were grilling outside with our mom. We were all smiling, laughing, making jokes, and having fun. The weather was perfect. The grass was green. Dogs were playing and barking. I think we also played football that day. Trying to create memories as a family should. Trying to fix a broken family bond. Ah… It’s just so painful and sad because I know… I know that from now on until the end of my time, there won’t ever be days like that, and the wish I had where you’d stand alongside me is now snuffed out…

While returning home from a tragedy, I talked with a random passenger. She said one thing that only Alzheimer’s can make me forget: “Mut sä pärjäät, vai mitä?” This Finnish sentence translates to “But you’ll manage, right?“

This truly serendipitous event stuck a cord because from the very start, for some reason or another, I have managed. Luck always plays a role, but it isn’t purely because of me I managed. It’s because of you I managed. Because of you, I managed because I wanted to be a beacon of hope.

I watched you. I saw the things you were doing. You did good things but, to be honest, they weren’t all wise decisions. You weren’t always the best decision-maker, but who is? I’m not. You showed me, not in theory but in practice, what I should watch out for. You told me indirectly what I shouldn’t do and what I should do.

I tried to do the same for you–to create a sort of healthy feedback loop. I tried to show you that you don’t need many friends: only a few good ones will do. I tried to show you that true freedom comes from within: there’s no need to rely on extrinsic factors. I tried to show you that it’s okay to be lonely sometimes: detach from others and have self-dialogue. I tried to show you that you don’t need to preach or show your achievements to others: don’t seek validation from others, and most importantly, prove these to yourself. Courtesy of you, I also tried to show this all in practice, not theory.

However, where I failed as your brother was to show you what it really means to live life and what life is really about. I didn’t try to illustrate that to you, and now it truly pains me to know it’s too late. I should have told you–no, shown you how–to stay alive because as long as you’re alive, there’s potential, as you always have a second (or nth) chance.

So, from the bottom of my heart, thank you for this all, Jami. Thank you for being part of my life. I am who I am in a big part because of you. I mirror the potential you would’ve had. And now, because of you, I think I’ll finally get to know what conviction really means and, as usual, not in theory but in practice. I won’t let this opportunity pass.

So, gears will be switched. I see no other way than to try and alchemize this into something great.

A straight and narrow road? Bedridden with difficulties? Includes events of despair and setback? A required determination level of “come hell or high water“? Brilliant! I’ll journey on one of those, though this time, I know how to walk and navigate while doing my utmost to practice what I preach.

Each of us has a fire that slowly but surely burns and fizzles out. Afterward, only pure white ash remains. But, before the fire fizzles out, there will be a brief but crucial time window where it should burn the brightest. This is the time when something exceptional and remarkable is brought into the spotlight. Life is, after all, impermanent.

I believe this is what you’d have wanted. For us, life was never meant to be conventional. Thank you for finally demystifying this to me. After all, no man is truly self-made.

You’re both the reason I took this path and stayed on it: I wanted to show you that we have hope. And now, you’re why I’ll stay on this path with conviction. It isn’t always the big brother who sets an example.

Everything I have done and will do is something you could’ve done. If only the circumstances were better… I see now that to honestly believe in something is to be ready to accept the consequences of what said belief has put on you.

If the untimely death of your own little brother doesn’t command growth, what does? So, from now on until the day God fizzles my fire and I die, this is my true conviction. Be my shadow, Jami, and witness everything.

“He who has a why to live can bear almost any how.”

—Nietzsche

Teot puhuu enemmän kuin sanat, vai mitä, Jami? Lepää rauhassa. Kiitos, kun olit osa mun elämää 31.5.2000 – 15.2.2025. Niissä olosuhteissa, jotka elämä soi meille, ei oo mitään permutaatiota jossa olisin yksin pärjännyt. Sä pidit mulle seuraa.

“…autodidacticism is pure, unadulterated freedom augmented with a positively reinforcing feedback loop: knowledge is power, and with power, you can enforce freedom.“

Preface

You have probably heard of this before, but did you know that each of us has a unique art or discipline that we are best suited to master, and only God knows what it is? We must discover this so called vocation ourselves because no survey, examination, or research can find it for us. How do we discover it? What’s the most effective way? Well, for starters, I think we should self-direct our learning and be autodidacts.

Study because you want to study. Study what you want to study. Study how you want to study. Don’t force yourself to study something you don’t want to–it’s an infringement and a disservice to your autonomy and freedom. Instead, nurture a sense of reactance–resist things that reduce your educational freedom–and it’ll be only a matter of time until you carve your path while developing your passions, leading to self-actualization.

Why

Well, why would you let somebody else control your education? Why would you want to be bound by formal structures or authority figures like teachers? Why would you want to be in courses led by teachers who tell you what to study, imply how to study, and force you to do homework they come up with, which you probably don’t want to do?

Maybe I’m exaggerating and generalizing a bit, but let’s be honest: school cultivates a culture of (in most situations) poor, forced, and other-than-self-directed learning.

1. What if the teacher is subpar? What if you notice that but want to avoid bringing it up just in case you become singled out as a target for negative attention?
2. What if the courses and their materials are outdated and weak?
3. What if politics have corrupted the course?
4. What if the homework (at least in the bigger picture) could be more interesting or varied?
5. What if you deem the way that the school works detrimental? What if this modus operandi forces you to carry out unnecessary boilerplate?
6. Should the classroom atmosphere be hazardous? What then?
7. What about learned helplessness (which is most prevalent in mathematics)? Your ability to help yourself might become dependent on the teacher.
8. Are you a fan of teaching to the test? Yeah, me neither.

Don’t get me wrong, school definitely has its benefits, but to me, the downsides outweigh them. I never really¹ succeeded or thrived in school, and because of that, I felt I was inferior to everybody else. I don’t particularly appreciate being told what, how, and why to study. I study because I want to study, and I study what I want to study. Nobody can tell me otherwise because nobody knows me better than me. This autodidacticism is pure, unadulterated freedom augmented with a positively reinforcing feedback loop: knowledge is power, and with power, you can enforce freedom. And, quite frankly, that’s epic.

I’ve also noticed that anything less leads to an adverse psychological reaction called reactance, which, for me, is a significant cause of procrastination. Systems, organizations, or people who tell me what to do triggers something deep in my brain that makes me actively want to fight back. This resistance is usually weak, but it’s much more powerful when it comes to learning and education. I believe there are two reasons for this:

1. I want to keep the reason for learning intrinsic and not extrinsic.
2. Learning something purely because someone told you to goes against my philosophy of studying corrupting and degrading it.

This psychological reactance resistance is so formidable that not even a monetary or non-monetary reward can’t quell it (of course, ultimately, everything has a price). Learning is fun and meaningful only when done autonomously, freely, and of your own accord.

How: Be An Autodidact

Take control of your education. Be an autodidact who is (or wants to be) self-taught. Be a lifelong learner with a preference for an unstructured education. Thrive in environments where you have the freedom to explore, experiment, and follow your passions rather than adhering to rigid educational or organizational structures. If you don’t want to learn something, don’t. If you want to learn something, learn that something. You will start to lose your way when you start learning something due to any kind of enforcement. What will happen when there is no enforcement? Exactly.

The practical application of this philosophy is quite simple: follow your heart. You don’t have to think about it logically when it comes to learning. People often choose something they want to learn only to start over-analyzing² and questioning their decision. Is this relevant? Will AI replace this? How much is the salary? Is this possible for me? Can I master this in a week? Are there any certifications? And so on.

In most cases³, these questions are irrelevant because the most detrimental thing you can do is postpone learning. On top of that, you start to think about learning extrinsically. For once, choose what to learn through the lens of pathos–your own emotion.

1. To be honest, I did get good grades in university of applied sciences later on in my studies but it was way too easy and unrewarding compared to high school. I also felt like I didn’t learn anything useful… ︎
2. This can lead to analysis paralysis, where overthinking leads to a standstill in thought. Pro tip: the small batches principle can be an antidote to analysis paralysis because it reduces the number of variables and permutations. ︎
3. I say in most cases because certain situations might require structured learning and the use of logos (i.e., think logically). For example, professional certificates or career-specific skills. However, in the latter, I still recommend skills that you personally find enjoyable. Or you can risk starting to hate your job. ︎

“It’s easy to climb a hill with trees, right? Nature keeps you company and gives you shelter. But what happens when the trees end?”

Reason

My name is Jesse, and this is my personal, well, let’s say, hub of knowledge. This hub is mainly for me, though it never hurts to have another pair of eyes take a peek at your insights. Please make yourself feel at home.

What’s my main goal here? Well, to be starkly gritty, it’s to survive. My last name, Karnavaara, doesn’t really mean anything apart from “vaara”, which is equivalent to danger or risk. To survive danger (or risks), you must be prepared and lucky. It’s exactly like this famous quote:

“Luck Is What Happens When Preparation Meets Opportunity.”

—SENECA

Seneca had it right. You could wait for luck to happen reactively, or you could proactively prepare for it, all the while honing your skills. And, when luck finally does happen, its scale will be astronomical. But remember, luck can be both good and bad. You shouldn’t only prepare for the good luck, but the bad. This is where the word “danger” comes back into play, and it’s why I created my own meaning (although very abstract) for my last name: Forested Hill of Insight.

From Abstract to Concrete

Although abstract, it’s very pertinent. The hill depicts my life: I want to need to keep climbing. It being forested means it’s filled with trees that together form a forest. Of insight describes the hill with the trees as related to some understanding or knowledge. Indeed, without trees, the hill wouldn’t be of insight. It needs to be forested.

It’s easy to climb a hill ^(life) with trees ^(insight), right? Nature keeps you company and shelters you. But what happens when the trees end? You don’t let them. Someway, you have to keep sowing the seeds of insight and reaping knowledge. If you don’t, the Forested Hill of Insight will wither. And if it does, how are you prepared for the luck (be it bad or good) to come?

For me, it’s (purposefully) personal; I can’t let Karnavaara die. And so, consequently, this place of storing knowledge and diaries was born. But remember, there’s a forest akin to Karnavaara inside each of us. Your forest might look entirely different from mine: the trees and their bark, the diverse ecosystems, and the colors might all differ. But it’s still a forest nonetheless, and you’re its keeper. You make up its legacy, and the forest makes yours.